It’s amazing where you mind takes you sometimes. Catching up on some reading last week I was transported to one of my unhappiest moments of recent years, which involved the process of selling my wife’s car.
I know this sounds rather trivial example, but stay with it – because I lost my temper, and it cost me.
This was a couple of years ago, and having decided to change my wife’s car, I advertised her old one on EBay. Rather quiet on the bidding front, then right at the last minute someone came in with a winning bid, just £1 above the reserve. Oh well, at least it is sold or so I thought.
The usual exchange of emails followed and I arranged to deliver the car to Birmingham, while we took my car so we could immediately drive off on holiday.
The arrival in Birmingham delivered something of a shock: the address was a car showroom and I had been given every impression this was a private purchase. Then the guy in garage said it wasn’t him who had bid, but his brother, and this wasn’t the type of car they usually bought…
Feeling extremely displeased, I am afraid I lost it, and threatened all sorts of things (nothing illegal or physical), until fortunately my wife intervened. “Never mind, this is not worth the hassle. He didn’t know what his brother was doing. Maybe we can sort something out…”
After a more reasoned conversation, we sold the car, he paid me immediately, and we got most of what we wanted in terms of the money. But I felt wretched.
What brought back all these unhappy emotions?
Emotion and the Art of Negotiation by Alison Wood Brooks in the December 2015 Harvard Business Review.
If you are about to go into a negotiation, it is worth a read. And you are about to go into a negotiation – this is something we all do every day!
In essence, there is much to focus on when negotiating: tradeable, lower limits, upper limits, tactics – focus on what is on the table, not what is going on around the table. Ms. Brooks Wards research shows that managing emotion and how we feel during the course of negotiation may help avoid feelings of regret, anxiety & anger (after that car deal, I know those…) and also result in better deals.
I especially like the advice about preparation and rehearsal, and prepare to stay calm – different to reacting to a changing situation. She also advises maybe asking a third party to negotiate for you. I can see how this might work, even though in my story, my wife – not I – ended up selling her car.
So what will your day bring today? Maybe it is the big set piece deal – buying a business, a new house, a new job. Or maybe just deciding on where to have dinner, or buying fruit from the market stall.
Take it easy does not mean relaxing and giving things away: but prepare how you want to feel, not just what you will say.
You will enjoy it a whole lot more, and if the research is right, come away better off too.